1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,920 Ladies and gentlemen, we got a brand new batch. 2 00:00:02,220 --> 00:00:04,460 Now, apparently, this batch is very, very good. 3 00:00:04,660 --> 00:00:07,840 And I'm on my A game, so I promise you I ain't laughing this video. 4 00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:09,100 Not one. 5 00:00:09,220 --> 00:00:10,240 It has been 67. 6 00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:15,540 Days since my son's suicide. 7 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,680 Nah, that was bad for me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 8 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,820 Would you be gay for one hour for a billion dollars? 9 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:35,580 Shit, for a billion dollars? Hi, sugar. 10 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:37,040 How you doing? 11 00:00:37,340 --> 00:00:38,340 No. 12 00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:41,940 Huh? 13 00:00:45,380 --> 00:00:49,720 How much is it? 14 00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:55,020 Bastard. 15 00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:56,820 Bastard. 16 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,820 Let me ask you a question. 17 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,780 When's the last time you've seen a statue? What's that? 18 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,760 Let me look underneath it. 19 00:01:04,220 --> 00:01:05,220 Whoa! 20 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,240 I mean, wow. 21 00:01:08,620 --> 00:01:09,620 Soft as well. 22 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:14,480 Stop looking at me. I'll get my boyfriend. Get your boyfriend. Is he 23 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:15,139 and handsome? 24 00:01:15,140 --> 00:01:16,140 I hope so. 25 00:01:17,140 --> 00:01:18,540 We've got room for one more. 26 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:20,160 Loads more. 27 00:01:21,220 --> 00:01:22,220 That was unexpected. 28 00:01:22,820 --> 00:01:24,980 And clear of the closing doors, please. 29 00:01:31,370 --> 00:01:32,370 What is? 30 00:01:32,770 --> 00:01:35,150 Someone's dressed up as a tree. 31 00:01:36,190 --> 00:01:39,810 Nah, y 'all not hearing him though. OG's being straight. Oh my. 32 00:01:40,470 --> 00:01:41,470 Oh my. 33 00:01:42,450 --> 00:01:48,370 My cat, Charlie, died. We cremated her and I put her inside of this baby's 34 00:01:48,550 --> 00:01:53,870 This baby, so beautiful, but it's a boy and Charlie is a girl. 35 00:01:54,130 --> 00:01:55,130 What the? 36 00:01:55,410 --> 00:02:00,150 You could commit a crime, but the crime you commit could not be committed ever 37 00:02:00,150 --> 00:02:01,860 again. What crime would you commit? 38 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:06,580 What? For whatever I do this crime. Once you do this crime. No one after me can 39 00:02:06,580 --> 00:02:08,580 do it. No one. It will never happen again. 40 00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:11,500 I don't commit any crime. 41 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:12,679 Any crime. 42 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,740 Like me, bro, there's things that I'm, like, personal about. 43 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:21,260 Like, well, I, that, bro, the safety of women and children is big to me, bro. I 44 00:02:21,260 --> 00:02:22,620 hate rapists, and I hate people. 45 00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:27,360 Like... No. 46 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,360 No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, I know. 47 00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,210 Where's he going with this man? 48 00:02:33,630 --> 00:02:36,250 You already know what he wants to do man 49 00:02:59,490 --> 00:03:02,210 Go study before I pray with your answer. 50 00:03:06,250 --> 00:03:07,670 Bro, piss off. 51 00:03:08,410 --> 00:03:11,730 That's actually got me mad, man. Like, it's not my fault. It's just how I've 52 00:03:11,730 --> 00:03:12,870 genetically become. 53 00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:16,730 If I could tolerate it, I would, bro. I, and you know what? I still do. 54 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,750 I still eat cheese. I still drink milk. 55 00:03:18,970 --> 00:03:20,470 I just suck what I was after. 56 00:03:20,690 --> 00:03:21,690 But you know what? 57 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:22,839 I don't mind. 58 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:23,840 I don't care. 59 00:03:24,060 --> 00:03:28,480 Dickheads. It's the same thing as those who make fun of people who love hay 60 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:31,900 fever. It's not my fault. I'm allergic to flowers. 61 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:33,980 Sorry, though. I'm actually doing all right. 62 00:03:59,020 --> 00:04:01,580 You already know she gave the deadest slops, man. 63 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:13,060 Why is that entering my brain? Why do I never think before I speak? 64 00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:16,940 Wicked, wicked. Why am I thinking about that, man? 65 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:35,640 Yes, sir. 66 00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:37,420 Bombaclot Wallahi. 67 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,460 Wait, you should be making shawarma, man. What do you know about Jamaican 68 00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:41,780 Nah, 69 00:04:42,140 --> 00:04:45,800 in a way, my man said Bombaclot Wallahi. 70 00:04:46,180 --> 00:04:47,180 What? 71 00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:49,120 Those two together. 72 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:51,200 My head hurts. 73 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,860 Try it and you will think I'm Jamaican, man. All right, if I take one bite of 74 00:04:55,860 --> 00:04:58,660 this and it tastes like the Jamaican food I usually get in Brooklyn, then I 75 00:04:58,660 --> 00:05:00,200 do the meanest dirty wine. 76 00:05:13,739 --> 00:05:18,620 Is this your boyfriend No, you are so fine. 77 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,760 You're like gorgeous. Give me your number. 78 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,780 Oh My god, who are you dating? 79 00:05:30,890 --> 00:05:33,290 This is so fucking dumb. I'm trying to take a shit. 80 00:05:33,550 --> 00:05:38,930 They can walk past and just look at my whole look. What the fuck? 81 00:05:39,450 --> 00:05:40,530 This is stupid. 82 00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:46,110 Bro, I'm feeling hella vulnerable right now. Who thought of this shit, bro? 83 00:05:46,470 --> 00:05:48,190 Who made these thaw doors? 84 00:05:48,470 --> 00:05:50,910 Did he? What the fuck is going on, man? 85 00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:54,410 The thing is, I would be the guy to go, Bigaboo. 86 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,600 Come with me to do a break -in and enter -in. 87 00:06:08,220 --> 00:06:11,680 I work in the same area I live in, so commute's always by foot. Today's client 88 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:14,880 was an older lady, very lovely lady, know her very well. We go to the same 89 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:17,780 church, we get on very well. I overheard her saying that she had a lot of 90 00:06:17,780 --> 00:06:20,300 valuable stuff in her house and she was looking to get rid of it, so that's why 91 00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:22,780 I'm here today. I knew she'd be at church at this time, because I should be 92 00:06:22,780 --> 00:06:25,540 there too, but I was very mindful and thought I'd come round and take some of 93 00:06:25,540 --> 00:06:27,900 these people and I went out and I sent her a beautiful, a big, that's a look 94 00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:29,940 the delight. And if I do something, I get out and I get caught. 95 00:06:31,340 --> 00:06:33,860 So it's time for me to leave. Comment down below if you think I should finish 96 00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:34,860 the job off properly. 97 00:06:38,570 --> 00:06:40,070 Oh, that's good front flip. 98 00:06:43,150 --> 00:06:50,070 Why did he specify those 99 00:06:50,070 --> 00:06:50,989 two things? 100 00:06:50,990 --> 00:06:56,670 As if, what, that's all it takes for a nigga like me to come running? 101 00:06:56,970 --> 00:07:00,030 My name is fucking playing for Ukraine, though, I can't lie. 102 00:07:10,860 --> 00:07:12,240 I don't know how I feel about it, honestly. 103 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:16,820 Yeah, it was, like, six, seven months ago, and then... Okay. 104 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:18,720 Yeah. 105 00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:25,740 Yeah, it was, like, six, seven months ago, and then, like... What? 106 00:07:26,940 --> 00:07:27,940 Huh? 107 00:07:28,780 --> 00:07:33,360 Huh?! Is that brother in jail? Because he needs to be. Wait. 108 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,140 Ain't no way this is fat jail. 109 00:07:35,660 --> 00:07:37,860 Hold up. I need to verify this. 110 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:39,240 All right, we got the lyrics. 111 00:07:39,580 --> 00:07:42,380 Yo, I'm that nigger that will kidnap your kids. 112 00:07:42,620 --> 00:07:47,300 Take them home, fuck them good, then send them back to you in bandages. 113 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:53,000 Oh, this isn't Fat Joe. This is a guy called Keith Knott. Get this guy away 114 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:58,680 all children. Get him away from all schools, all playgrounds. Like, what is 115 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:03,720 this? What? Bro probably wrote this down, spat in the mic, and said, yeah, I 116 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,900 could. Like, what the hell? 117 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:18,420 What Why did the Supergirl actress dress like a dude at the event? 118 00:08:18,740 --> 00:08:20,540 I don't know John. Why did you beat your wife? 119 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:29,660 Don't worry, we'll wait It's my birthday today, so be fucking nice 120 00:08:41,799 --> 00:08:43,020 A little bit of distance there. 121 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,200 Like, do you need a ladder to kiss her? 122 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:57,280 This brother needs plane tickets just to kiss his wife. You know what I mean? 123 00:09:27,210 --> 00:09:28,550 Why you on your knees and - Get down, boy! 124 00:09:29,330 --> 00:09:32,310 Get the - Nah, 125 00:09:33,670 --> 00:09:34,670 Team Rocket's crazy. 126 00:09:36,310 --> 00:09:37,310 Listen. 127 00:09:41,590 --> 00:09:43,910 Easy go. 128 00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:46,250 Easy go. 129 00:10:07,150 --> 00:10:12,210 Oh my God, what is this? Tell me that's not Dave Chappelle's kid, man. 130 00:10:16,990 --> 00:10:20,350 Tell me that's... No, man. 131 00:10:30,570 --> 00:10:34,410 No, the mouth movements is wild. 132 00:10:43,420 --> 00:10:44,860 What's up bro? 133 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,240 What the fuck? 134 00:11:16,010 --> 00:11:17,830 They almost got me. They almost got me. Bro. 135 00:11:18,330 --> 00:11:22,750 Peter Parker sent them into a whole different monomer for that one. Jesus. 136 00:11:26,610 --> 00:11:33,030 The thing 137 00:11:33,030 --> 00:11:39,770 is, to get top listener, and 138 00:11:39,770 --> 00:11:42,330 I hardly release any music this year. That's crazy. 139 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:43,659 Fair play. 140 00:11:43,660 --> 00:11:46,300 Hopefully in 2026, we'll be releasing bangers, man. 141 00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:49,600 What's that black girl that plays WNBA? 142 00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:51,540 Angel Reese. Look at me, look at me. I'm Angel Reese. 143 00:11:53,620 --> 00:11:54,620 It's your birthday. 144 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:56,360 Not important, man. Please shut up. 145 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:02,140 I don't do crowd work, all right? I'm not Matt Wright, all right? I wrote some 146 00:12:02,140 --> 00:12:03,500 shit. I was going to give it to you. 147 00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:07,340 I didn't ask anybody where they work or what the fuck. 148 00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:09,160 How long have you been together? 149 00:12:13,220 --> 00:12:16,680 Next time you see a crowd work comedian, don't fucking talk to them. 150 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,940 They'll crumble. Like, hey, where do you work? Just go do your fucking jokes, 151 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,200 man. They're like, what the fuck is happening? 152 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:26,260 Stop talking to them. 153 00:12:28,020 --> 00:12:31,880 Crowd work is the biggest gaslight in the history of gaslighting. 154 00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:35,640 Because we are professional talkers and we have electricity. 155 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:39,620 And you don't. And then they go, how long have you been together? And then 156 00:12:39,620 --> 00:12:45,950 you'll be like, um, you don't even know how long. And now they're in a fucking 157 00:12:45,950 --> 00:12:48,450 fight on the way home. Like, what the fuck was that back there? 158 00:12:49,570 --> 00:12:52,550 Now they're going to break up just because some fucking comic didn't write 159 00:12:52,550 --> 00:12:53,550 joke. 160 00:12:55,410 --> 00:12:56,430 It's so annoying. 161 00:12:56,710 --> 00:12:59,110 No matter what they do, they'll make you look like a little pussy. 162 00:13:00,450 --> 00:13:01,590 Comic's like, what's with that shirt? 163 00:13:01,850 --> 00:13:04,030 And then you're like, it's just a shirt. And they'll be like, oh, Mr. 164 00:13:04,430 --> 00:13:05,510 Confident with his fucking shirt. 165 00:13:07,310 --> 00:13:09,370 But then if you're like, I don't know, I don't even like this shirt. They're 166 00:13:09,370 --> 00:13:11,910 like, you wore a shirt you don't even like? What the fuck? You're like, it's 167 00:13:11,910 --> 00:13:12,910 just... 168 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,400 Mutants. 169 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,040 What was that man? 170 00:13:47,380 --> 00:13:51,800 He going to hell man. He threw this disabled nigga in the motherfucking 171 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:56,420 What? This nigga looking like a motherfucking piece of chicken fry. Look 172 00:13:58,840 --> 00:13:59,840 That's crazy. 173 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:04,980 It is amazing. My girls were completely engrossed by it when we were watching 174 00:14:04,980 --> 00:14:09,320 it. Because it really does make you feel like you're inside this 11 year old 175 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,320 girl. 176 00:14:11,260 --> 00:14:12,260 In a... 177 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,020 Profoundly wholesome way. 178 00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,960 When did you stop? 179 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,520 When did I stop touching other children? 180 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:20,860 What? 181 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,960 What? No! 182 00:14:28,460 --> 00:14:32,360 You know how it's called free play? Do you think they would create a new one? 183 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:37,440 And call it full play. 184 00:14:44,619 --> 00:14:51,600 Don't do that I'll say if you got a vest on 185 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,060 and a clipboard you can get away with anything. 186 00:14:53,300 --> 00:15:00,260 So let's go check it out See 187 00:15:00,260 --> 00:15:06,940 guys it is just this easy bro is this easy is this easy, bro Wow 188 00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:08,200 Wow 189 00:15:14,090 --> 00:15:19,210 You never really know job hard someone is until you have to do it. So what so 190 00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:21,230 it's very smart Martin. No, why man? 191 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,820 Good, I'm good. I'm holding it. I'm holding it together, man. 192 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:56,320 So why the fuck do we got to shut two lanes down for these little bitty ass, 193 00:15:56,400 --> 00:16:00,700 bitch ass kids on the fucking right side and none of them coming from the left? 194 00:16:00,820 --> 00:16:01,920 Look over the left. 195 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,600 Nobody's coming from over there. 196 00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:06,380 One. 197 00:16:08,020 --> 00:16:09,020 Let's go. 198 00:16:17,290 --> 00:16:19,070 Oh my, oh man. 199 00:16:22,090 --> 00:16:24,330 Nah, that build, unique. 200 00:16:24,670 --> 00:16:25,670 One of a kind. 201 00:16:25,690 --> 00:16:29,110 You gotta respect that build, man, because that is unbelievable. 202 00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:32,370 I don't even know how to do this. 203 00:16:32,650 --> 00:16:37,950 Like, it's easy to be in shape, get six pack, you know, muscles and all of that. 204 00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:41,970 Try getting that physique. I bet you, you can't. Like I said, unique. 205 00:16:42,890 --> 00:16:44,270 I needed to see this. 206 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,600 Well, he about to look crazy. 207 00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:56,700 No. No. 208 00:16:57,900 --> 00:17:01,340 Oh, my God, he's clapped. 209 00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:05,900 Oh, no, bro, you looked like a king before. Now you just look like a worse 210 00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,060 version of Peter Griffin. 211 00:17:09,099 --> 00:17:10,780 The aura lost. 212 00:17:11,420 --> 00:17:13,140 Oh, no. 213 00:17:14,220 --> 00:17:17,579 Bro looks like a frog with the way he's, you know. 214 00:17:21,139 --> 00:17:25,460 Anyway, I'm telling you, man. Put a picture of Randolph and a picture of 215 00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:27,960 Beers. Now imagine them without Beers. 216 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,180 Disgusting. This is why they'll never save. 217 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:31,400 I get it. 218 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:59,340 my god wait why why are you pointing at me yo what did i do no don't point at me 219 00:17:59,340 --> 00:18:03,880 no i don't want any of that please please 220 00:18:32,270 --> 00:18:34,870 Yeah, right. Next thing you know, we'll end up on Epstein's Island. 221 00:18:35,430 --> 00:18:38,230 If you guys showed up on Epstein's Island, they'd be furious. 222 00:18:39,010 --> 00:18:41,210 No! The pussy is spoiled. 223 00:18:41,850 --> 00:18:42,850 Send it back. 224 00:18:43,110 --> 00:18:46,870 Listen, why have you just put five pints of smash underneath the photo of my 225 00:18:46,870 --> 00:18:47,870 dog? 226 00:18:48,650 --> 00:18:52,750 I don't think I need to explain why. I've answered all your questions there. 227 00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:56,250 in case you need me to explain it, it would take me five pints to smash the 228 00:18:56,250 --> 00:18:57,250 out of your dog. 229 00:19:08,590 --> 00:19:11,650 And you've got bars as well. Man's got the bars and that. Yeah, man's got the 230 00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,530 bars, yeah. Ching -chong for the wing -wong. 231 00:19:13,810 --> 00:19:17,310 My doorbell went ding -dong. It was a Chinese girl called Ting -Tong. Love it, 232 00:19:17,310 --> 00:19:18,310 love it, love it. 233 00:19:19,770 --> 00:19:23,070 When drug dealers call you from prison, they always ask the same question. 234 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:27,330 They're always like, who would have thought I'd go from driving the Benz to 235 00:19:27,330 --> 00:19:28,330 sleeping in a cell? 236 00:19:30,350 --> 00:19:31,350 Everybody. 237 00:19:33,850 --> 00:19:35,250 That's why we asked you to stop. 238 00:19:51,850 --> 00:19:54,650 Damn. Whoa. 239 00:20:06,220 --> 00:20:09,360 That's why you have a dog. He can't fucking interrupt you. That's right. 240 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,400 Why does he look the same? 241 00:20:12,940 --> 00:20:15,580 He looks the same. 242 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,140 He looks identical. 243 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,100 You've got to show him after you record it. 244 00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:29,840 Ladies and gents, we're back with Jamie Carragher outside of Stanford Bridge. 245 00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:31,780 Jamie, what's your thoughts on Chelsea being fought from the table? 246 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,220 Forget that. Let's talk about Mo Salah. Sorry, what does Mo Salah have to do 247 00:20:35,220 --> 00:20:37,980 with this? What are you talking about? You're not listening to me, are you? 248 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:42,400 Listen, Mo Salah, you failed at this club and then you went over to Roma and 249 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,580 then you came back to Liverpool and you think you're a big shot all of a sudden. 250 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:49,920 Listen, Mo Salah, I think you should go to Sardy. You know, the money's good and 251 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:50,899 you speak Arabic. 252 00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:54,800 But listen, Mo Salah, leave Liverpool before Liverpool leaves you. 253 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:04,780 This is me. This is me. 254 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,620 I mean, fair. 255 00:21:54,540 --> 00:21:59,840 Since he first published his very first book with Harper Collins back in 2008, 256 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:06,160 The Boy in the Dress, he's gone on to publish a further more than 40... Oh, 257 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:10,640 it, I'm going to start again. Sorry, do not ever air me saying the F word. Oh, 258 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:11,640 my God. 259 00:22:12,380 --> 00:22:18,460 Well, David Walliams is one of Britain's best -selling children's authors... 260 00:22:18,460 --> 00:22:19,460 Wait, what? 261 00:22:22,510 --> 00:22:26,170 So apologies if you heard any bad language there. We'll check that out. 262 00:22:26,510 --> 00:22:27,970 Their faces! 263 00:22:28,490 --> 00:22:30,410 I can't believe it! 264 00:22:33,250 --> 00:22:37,250 Alright, that is it, ladies and gentlemen. God damn it, we're at the 265 00:22:37,450 --> 00:22:38,450 Fuck! 266 00:22:38,930 --> 00:22:42,690 Anyway, thank you guys for watching. Don't subscribe, alright? I think we're 267 00:22:42,690 --> 00:22:44,790 currently on 350 ,000 subscribers. 268 00:22:45,230 --> 00:22:49,950 Why? I keep telling you to not subscribe, so stop doing that. God's 269 00:22:50,150 --> 00:22:52,510 Anyway... Thank you for watching. Take care and peace.